There are many times in our lives when we face adversity. They can be financial, physical or even mental adversities. Aside from being human, it is one of the things we all have in common. Rich or poor, young or old, we all face adversity. I would always wonder why these things would happen. Why me? I’m sure you have all been in that same boat. What we don’t realize is that there is a greater purpose to it all. The reason we can’t see it is because we can only perceive what is right in front of us and not what is beyond that. God, however, sees what we cannot see.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8,9

        What I am about to share with you is one of the hardest times in my life. I have struggled through a lot, but this one is by far the hardest. Like I had mentioned before, I have never been through anything traumatic. So, this isn’t some life-shattering secret. It is the story of something that many, if not most of us, tend to go through. Now, I will let you know that the people I name in any of my blogs are not their real names. This is mainly for privacy reasons.

            As I have mentioned, I grew up in a Christian home. I have one brother and two sisters. Overall, our home was a happy and loving place. I can’t really say how or when, but somewhere along the way I developed self-esteem issues. I barely had any confidence in who I was and what I could do. I knew I was smart yet I didn’t think I could get the grades I needed to go to a good college (even though I got accepted to the two colleges I applied to). As a girlfriend and later as a wife, I kept thinking that my husband got the raw end of the deal. As a Christian, I did consider myself blessed but unworthy of the blessings I received in my life. I was always the first person not to believe in myself. My family and my husband believed in me, but I didn’t.

On New Year’s Eve 2016 I decided to make a change. I was tired of needing others to reassure me of what I could accomplish. So, as the clock struck midnight I told my husband that I was going to work on my confidence that year. It was a new year and a new beginning for me. Not only was I fresh out of college, but I was in a whole new town with so many possibilities. I was finally ready to be who I knew I could be.

            I started applying to many different places for a job. Every place I tried kept telling me I needed to have more experience. That was until January 10^th. I had received my first call for an interview. This job was different. It was like nothing I had ever done before. It was Life Insurance sales. Chad (my husband) thought that it would be a new experience and worth a shot. Since I trust his judgment, I went in for the interview and got the job.

            For those of you who don’t know, in order to be a Life Insurance Agent, you must be licensed in the state you live in to sell insurance. It’s no easy task, but I was able to do it. Now, I could go into every single detail of the process, but I want to keep that for another time. Truth is, within this one experience I learned so much and grew more than I could ever imagine in such a short period of time. However, for now, this is the part I want to focus on.

            January 27^th was my first official day. This was the day I met Neil, my manager or mentor as he prefers it. It was your typical first-day meeting. We introduced ourselves, chatted a little and then got down to business. After discussing what the plan was for the week, we went into the training room where other first-time agents were gathered. As he entered the room, Neil said something that showed me that I was on the right path.

“Good morning everyone. Before we begin, I just want to say that I understand that Insurance is completely different than anything you’ve ever done before and that it may be scary. But I can honestly tell you that this will change your confidence in a way you never thought possible.”

            I honestly couldn’t help but laugh when he said that. How could he have known that I was trying to become more confident? Neil didn’t, but God did. He knew I had intentions of improving myself. So, He brought me here. This was where it was all going to take place and He was going to use Neil to help me get there.

            Neil taught me everything he knows about the business. We spent a week and a half in training and then I was released on my own. For about a month and a half, I struggled to make sales. The times I would sell was when Neil would go with me on my appointments. It was like, I was only confident when he was there to hold my hand because if something went wrong, I could fall back on him. I wasn’t getting any better.

            Everything was crashing down on me and I felt so lost and alone. Until one day on the job. I was with Neil training…again. We were driving to our next appointment talking about what I was having trouble with. I finally explained to him that I just didn’t believe I could do it. That I never believed that I could do anything. What he asked next are words that have stuck with me to this day.

“Why are you holding yourself back? Is it that you don’t believe you deserve to be happy? Why?”

            These three simple questions opened a flood gate. For the longest time, I felt like I had to prove myself, not just to those around me but to God himself. My actions are what dictated my worth and as far as I knew, I was worthless. That was the reason I felt so alone. That was the reason that I let myself believe that there was no way that God could love someone like me. Someone average. However, none of that is true. As it says in Ephesians 2: 8,9:

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”

        Those three simple questions made me realize that God’s love wasn’t about what I did, but about what He has done for me. I could never repay the many things Jesus has done for me, but that’s not why He does them. He does them because he loves me. For years my family and my husband tried to get me to see this and yet I chose to remain in my pain. It took a stranger, someone who barely knew me, to show me that not only was my life worth something but that God has always loved me. I just needed to stop focusing on my shortcomings and start focusing on God’s amazing grace.

            I know that there are so many people that struggle with this as well. I may never have had any traumas in my life, but I had my demons. Thing is, we need to remember that there is someone much bigger than life watching out for us. I can honestly say that I am a more confident person because of what I went through. Granted, the road to where I am now was not fun, but it took going through the storm in order to see the rainbow at the end. In 2 Corinthians 3:4, it says

“Such confidence we have through Christ before God.”

        God knew that I had that confidence in me through Him…I just needed it to be drawn out of me. God used my job and my good friend Neil to learn the hard way. I continue to learn every day and continue to grow more and more in Him. The difference between me three years ago and me now, is that I know I am not alone. I know that I have God, my husband, my family, and my friends. I may not have much, but God provided me with what I need to live a truly happy life. I no longer wonder what the hard times are for, I just trust in Him and know everything will be alright.

“Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you, but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy.” 1 Peter 4: 12, 13

So, for those of you struggling with low self-esteem and low confidence, I tell you that you are loved. I may not know you personally, but I was you. At the time I may not have known why I was going through such adversity, but now I see what God has done in my life. I advise you to ask yourself the same questions that Neil asked me. Why are you holding yourself back? Do you believe you don’t deserve to be happy? Why? You deserve the world and more. You are not in this alone. Jesus is right there by your side waiting for you to accept Him into your life. Even in the darkest of times, He is there showing you that there is a better way.

“In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence,” Ephesians 3:12